Today's Discussion is on Therapists

I had my first ever therapist visit. Let's go over it together!

Looking for a therapist is as stressful as applying for a job. I had to call my insurance, double check my plan, search on different websites, read their bios, check their location to make sure it isn't too far away from work or home, call them, get an appointment, figure out my co-pay, figure out my deductibles, fill out their forms, print out their forms and...ugh! But, I did it! Here we are. Luckily my insurance pulled a rabbit out of their hat and I only had a co-pay of $5.00. That's much cheaper than my sister or dad's therapists.

As I have said before, my sisters and dad see a therapist. This was my first ever visit to a therapist, so I was quite nervous. Throughout the week I kept plotting in my head what could go horribly wrong. Would I just abruptly leave? What if the chair was not comfy? What if I started crying? Luckily none of those questions entered my mind while I was there, but I am getting ahead of myself.

Directly after work I shoved some food in my mouth as I parked in the lot where my therapist was at. Looking at the building, it was quite intimidating, but the beautiful fountain out front gave me a hint that everything would be okay. The building in its interior and exterior was so fancy. I love pretending I'm rich, so as some ladies passed me in heels I strutted over to the elevators, trying to pretend I wasn't in my comfy work shorts or gaming tee. I poked and proded at the touch-screen directory (faaaaancaaay) but did not find the name of my therapist listed on there. I thought she may be new to the building, as the building itself looked like it just came out of its wrapping, so I took the elevator up to the fifth floor as her suite number was 500.

On this floor, I looked around, but had no earthly clue where I was going. Luckily there was a receptonist through a thick glass door, so I struggled through and tip-toed over to her. She had one of those headpieces on that made her look super important. I asked her about my therapist and she told me to take a seat, like she had said it a thousand times. We made a little small talk about the weather (I'm not joking - it's just a go-to) and my therapist was out to gather me up right on time. I was ten minutes early, because it's me.

Her room was small, but quiet. She was in a little office space, like you see at your HR building with a fax machine in the middle of all the rooms. It seemed a bit unfitting, but it was soothing in a way. It was like I was going to my counselor at college, not a therapist (my problem is with your curriculum not with myself!). Looking around briefly as she gathered up my paperwork, I noticed she had black-and-white photos in frames slanted against the desk by me. She had definitely just upgraded to this office space. The place wasn't as homey as I had liked, my sister's therapist has a big leather couch, a bookshelf and a dog. I mean, a cute little dog! I guess you can't beat that (two dogs? A dog and a cat?).

She started out by telling me about herself, her background, her rules and regulations. I couldn't help but notice her frazzled hair and lack of a wedding ring. She was older, much wiser; I'm sure with the amount of people she sees daily she doesn't need to go home to someone else. Still, she seemed to have a deep understanding about love and relationships, as she taught me the meaning of "falling in love" as you are falling into a level of not thinking clearly as you use your heart and not your brain. It all made sense to me at least.

Without diving too deep into what we talked about as it's confidential (duh!), I think it was a good experience. Sure, it made me immediately want to see my family, but talking about love, relationships, and of course, myself and making me into a better person for me was something I wanted out of going to see a therapist. She clearly asked me what I wanted from her and I put it bluntly: I want to stop beating myself up with negative futuristic thoughts. I'm always looking forward and sometimes I can't live in the moment.

At times it was funny. She could read me like a book. Once she read my facial expressions and a few times she finished my sentences (not in a rude way, but like going off what I would say). I took a lot of psychology courses in school, so I know this sort of mind-reading game. It was pretty cool to see someone as experienced as her go off on every little detail of my life and display it in front of me like she's heard it a thousand times. Sure, everyone's different, but I'm sure bits and pieces of my story she has heard across her journey as a therapist. It was very clear to me that she was a relationship therapist, as she mostly talked about my love life - digging into the whole "ex boyfriend thing."

I left with a heavy heart and a mint in my pocket (that's not a saying, I actually took a mint from the receptionist because she left early and no one could judge my satisfaction with sweets). As I had left I informed my new therapist that I would see her next week, but I would change it to monthly. She said slyly "you'll be seeing me every week for now," and gave me a little smile. I immediately thought, what is that supposed to mean? Understandably, I do have a lot of problems being on my own and I told her about my depression, so she just wants to look after me (and get her fat checks). She was very nice though and I didn't hear a wink of condescending in her voice as I spoke to her about my vanity or lack of feelings for my ex.

I would recommend anyone and everyone to go see a therapist. Sure, the first part of finding a good one is tedious and I think I just got lucky, but my adventure has just begun. Learning about who you are and how to better yourself is something my ex taught me and I will always respect that about him. He taught me that it's okay to be a failure, you just have to learn from it (not saying I am, 'cause I'm not!). Moving on though, as my therapist even put it, I am looking for the next chapter of my life. That includes you guys! Writing to you all and seeing my posts have views makes me the happiest girl alive. Streaming and seeing viewers gives me that heart tingling sensation too. I'm going to keep doing what I love and learn about myself along the way.

Love,

glimmer